Part 4 Tricked
July 12, 2009 at 8:25 am | In Christian, God, Husbands, Jobs, Unemployment, family, marriage | 1 CommentThe day my husband quit his job I forced him to make an appointment with a counselor. My teaching partner recommended a wonderful Christian counselor that her family had used. He had made that appointment.
I wanted this counselor to side with me and tell my husband all the ways he is wrong. I’m still really angry. My husband told me that the counselor wanted me to come to the first appointment. I said I would. After all then I could tell him all that is wrong. I didn’t really believe that my husband would be honest with the counselor.
We go. It takes about a minute with the counselor for me to figure out that I have been tricked. This is not an appointment for my husband this is a marriage counseling appointment. I’m furious. My insurance covers individual therapy, but not marriage counseling. How the heck are we going to pay for this?
He lied again. He tricked me. He didn’t take responsibility or admit that he had a problem. I’m sitting in this office seething. I am having a hard time thinking. Even now I can’t remember everything we talked about. Thankfully God was in control, because I certainly was not.
Our counselor was wonderful. He saw past my husband’s excuses and called him out on his wrongs. He challenged him. He helped us set some goals. He made us both individual appointments. That way my insurance will pay for it.
At some point in the session my husband’s attitude changed. He went from blaming me for my wrongs in the waiting room to looking at his own wrongs while with the counselor.
I’m not innocent in this, but most of these are issues my husband has to work out without me. This counselor was willing and seems able to make him do that. Of course, most importantly, my husband is willing and WANTING to change. That is God.
However, I’m angry again–still. He tricked me.
Finding Myself
May 7, 2009 at 7:50 pm | In Christian, God, Prayer, Working mom, family, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood, school, teaching | 3 CommentsAfter the extreme chaos of the last 4 months, I am trying to find myself again. I’m finding it difficult physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.
My body is still trying to adjust to 4 months of stress. Truly more like 8 months of stress. Todd’s being unemployed and then me jumping into too many commitments. I think looking back on it all that maybe I agreed to do all those things as a ways of avoiding the pressures of home. Todd’s unemployment was very hard on both of us. I gained 20 pounds. I’ve lost five, but it is hard. I feel lethargic and unmotivated.
I also think spiritually I’m off kilter. I feel very far away from God right now. I don’t like it. I know what I need to do, but I’m so tired that I don’t do it.
I’m trying to get back into some of my old habits (including, but not limited to blogging), but I’m finding it so difficult. Praying, reading, and even connecting with friends is taking effort. Even getting daily things done is hard. I have piles of little things that need my attention. I have lists of appointments to make for summer, camp applications to get filled out, and homework to turn it (eek due on the 11th.) Heck, even my poor dog needs to go to the vet.
Honestly, I think I am just tired. I’m ready for summer, even if I do have class all of June.
Ever get the feeling God is talking to you?
March 10, 2009 at 8:18 am | In Christian, God, Prayer | 2 CommentsI sometimes feel like God is talking to me. Sometimes I believe I can’t hear him, and other times I think I intentionally ignore him.
If I don’t hear him then it isn’t my fault right? I know…I don’t believe that either.
Since Sunday I feel like he has been repeating the same message to me. First through a conversation that I had with someone, immediately followed by our pastor’s message, later that day it was in a drama that I was reading, and this morning through a song.
I hear him, so I can’t pretend I don’t. It’s hard when God is telling you that he misses you. How can you ignore that?
It’s Benign!
January 22, 2009 at 7:44 pm | In God, Prayer, family | 3 CommentsWe got the results of my sister’s biopsy back! Praise Jesus! It’s benign! She will still have to have it removed and that will be a very serious surgery, yet all is well!
I think this has sort of reminded us all to value each other a little bit more. It reminded me that my mom had her first cancer when she was 36. Her 2nd cancer came when she was 49. My father had his first heart attack at 38 and died at 52 after having 10 or 12 different heart attacks. I am 41. Susan is 37. Our older sister and brother are turning 50 and 49 respectively this year. It’s a little unnerving.
Granted we still have mom! That woman is amazing! She has had cancer 4 times and has more health complications from the treatments. Yet she is still with us, and we are blessed to have her. My momma is a warrior woman! She is my inspiration and hero. She has had an incredible life and makes mine look like a bed of flowers.
Susan reminds me of Mom. In fact, she is probably most like mom in some ways. She is ambitious, hard working, and hard headed.
I love them both.
Update on the Kingdom Project
January 2, 2009 at 9:35 am | In Christian, God, family, friends, kids, motherhood, parenthood | 1 CommentMy 12 year old, N is involved in a mission project. If you would like to read about how this started click here and here.
Update: Last Monday we spent the day at the church. N had organized a work day to begin creating the monster dolls that he intends to distribute to our county hospital and maybe the family homeless shelter.
He had 24 people show up to help throughout the day.
Suzanne even came all the way from California to help! (OK, so really she and Keb just happened to be here and we put them to work. 
)
This was the hardest station, making the faces. It takes patience.
This was the the most popular station. Everyone wanted to stuff the monsters.
This was one of my favorite faces (both doll and friend.)
I was a little worried when we had only completed one in the first hour and a half.
But we kept plugging away.
Altogether we created 40 monster dolls. We still have quite a bit of fleece, so N is planning another workday. I’m wondering how many we will end up with!
A Christmas Lesson Meant For My Children Was Actually For Me
December 28, 2008 at 3:02 pm | In Christian, God, Prayer, Working mom, family, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood | 4 CommentsThis was a smaller Christmas for my family. It has been a hard 6 months financially since Todd lost his job. I wanted my children to really understand how blessed they were this season and I created opportunities for them to see that. Well I tried to at least.
First our family helped serve meals at an inner city church. We all loved this. It was so much fun and my kids enjoyed interacting with other people. I will say though that my children didn’t see this as any different than when we eat dinner at our church on Wednesday nights. They just didn’t realize the difference.
The second opportunity was to deliver presents and food to one of our churches adopted angel tree families. We have done this in the past and enjoy delivering the giant boxes that are always well received. This one really didn’t work out the way that I intended.
To understand why, you must first understand where my head was at. I was really struggling this holiday season with guilt. I LOVE giving big Christmases. This is probably from growing up truly poor (single mom with 5 kids.) We didn’t have a lot of stuff, but my mom always gave it her all at Christmas time. I have always done the same with my kids. Of course my children have never went without and have more stuff than all the children in my old neighborhood combined.
Still I knew this Christmas we just couldn’t get them all the things on their wish lists. I also knew that my brothers and sisters were getting them less too. So I have been prepping them for it since October. Looking back, maybe I was prepping myself for it.
Todd worked at a book fair this year so we got lots of free books. I bought the boys inexpensive things like art supplies and cheap games. They had quite a few presents under our tree. I still was feeling sad and worried about them being disappointed though. I knew this Christmas didn’t look like our others and it certainly felt different.
Last Monday we finally were able to connect with the single mom in our angle tree family. This mom worked every evening at the mall in one of those ear piercing kiosks. It ended up that the boys weren’t able to help deliver as they had school. I thought, “Great! Another holiday plan that backfired!”
We went and delivered. This family had very little furniture. They had just moved. They had a tree with no ornaments and no presents. The kids were clean, but wearing tattered clothing. In the living room the mom had put the kids school work all over the walls. Through our conversation I could tell how much this mom loved her children and was willing to go the extra mile for them.
Walking into my house and seeing the presents under our tree, I realized that this lesson wasn’t mine to teach my children. Rather I felt that the Lord was teaching and reminding me. I am VERY blessed. My children are not going without. They may not have gotten everything on their wish list, but they were so happy with what they got. We have a home. I have a good job. I have my husband and my children.
Thank you Lord for the blessings you have served me so abundantly, and for reminding me of them.
Sunday’s Message
December 10, 2008 at 9:09 pm | In Christian, God, Prayer, Theatre | Leave a CommentWhen God is in charge awesome things can happen.
I am on the worship design team at our church. I am part of a team that helps come up with ideas to go along with our pastor’s message. I found a script for a drama that I wasn’t sure would go over in our church. I wasn’t sure if it was too heavy a message. It was pretty blatant.
I had one person that kept coming to my mind when I read this. I wasn’t sure he would want to do it. When I asked him, he didn’t. He read it. He prayed about it. I prayed about it. He had never done anything like this. It was way out of his box. He finally said yes.
This last Sunday he performed the drama. It was jaw-dropping powerful. I had tears in my eyes. It was God’s work. People are still reacting to the message. I overheard people tonight talking about it.
You can read it here. Jesus was born for me…and for you…and you…and you!
Christmas Shopping
December 4, 2008 at 9:17 pm | In Autism, Christian, God, family, kids, motherhood, parenthood | Leave a CommentI’m not doing a lot of Christmas shopping this year. Since we are currently a one income family, there just isn’t a lot of extra $$$. I went shopping the day after Thanksgiving with my brother and sister, but didn’t buy a whole lot.
I heard on the television today that mom’s are sacrificing for their children this year, as women’s clothing sales are down 30%. I believe it. I know that I am forgoing presents this year. Our cat and dog both had urinary tract infections and vet bills (OK, what are the odds that both would have an infection at the same time?) Not to mention the occupational therapy and physical therapy bills that have all come due for E.
I know I sound all humbug and Scroogelike. I guess that is how I am feeling a little this year. That is partly why I haven’t posted much. Yet I have faith that this to will pass. Soon it will be a new year, a new beginning. My job right now is to make this an enjoyable time for my family. To realize that although things are definitely a challenge right now, we are very blessed.
We are blessed. I was able to do some Christmas shopping. Our stockings will not be empty and Santa will come.
Kingdom Project
November 19, 2008 at 8:58 pm | In Christian, Crafts, God, family, kids, motherhood, parenthood | 3 Comments
I am loving the Kingdom Project that is happening in our church. N has decided he is going to have a crafternoon during Christmas break and organize people into an assembly line to create Monster dolls. His plan is to then give the dolls to kids either at a hospital or maybe a shelter.
I spoke to others tonight about their ideas. One is thinking about creating gift baskets to do a silent auction and then using that money to do a larger mission project. Another is thinking about finding a way to do some sort of scholarship for kids that academically have made great progress. Another is buying toys for Toys for Tots.
I am really curious to see what all happens here. Everyone that begins talking about it has a twinkle in their eyes. Seriously…I’m not exaggerating.
12 Year Old on a Mission
November 16, 2008 at 2:30 pm | In Christian, God, family, kids, motherhood, parenthood, school, teaching | 2 Comments
This morning at church our pastor asked for 25 people that felt called by God to come to the alter. He didn’t say why. My 12 year went to the alter. He does not normally jump up for this kind of thing. In actuality about 40 people or so went to the alter. After they were there the pastor explained that someone donated 25 $100 bills to be handed out to these people to do something with, but it was up to them what they would do with it.
My son actually got passed over the as the pastor handed out the bills. (Remember I said 40 or so people went up there.) After Pastor Craig got to the end of the line he had one bill left. People sarted yelling and pointing to give it to N.
So there N stood holding this $100 bill. The pastor is explaining that in 3 months they will need to come back and tell how they used this money. I could see on N’s face that he was thinking hard. I’m imaging that he is thinking about his WII and a new game he could buy. I was already planning the speech on how it isn’t really his money.
As soon as he came back to his seat he started talking about using it to buy shoes for children in Sudan, or water for people in Africa. After more discussion there were thoughts about doing something for his school to help with the epidemic of suicides in our school district right now (4 in 10 months.) Then came an idea of making ugly dolls or monster dolls to donate to the pediatrics unit at the county hospital or a homeless shelter for kids. He amazes me.
I don’t know what he will decide to do. I’m curious to watch and to learn from this child with such a big heart. God has a plan for him.
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