Part 4 Tricked
July 12, 2009 at 8:25 am | In Christian, God, Husbands, Jobs, Unemployment, family, marriage | 1 CommentThe day my husband quit his job I forced him to make an appointment with a counselor. My teaching partner recommended a wonderful Christian counselor that her family had used. He had made that appointment.
I wanted this counselor to side with me and tell my husband all the ways he is wrong. I’m still really angry. My husband told me that the counselor wanted me to come to the first appointment. I said I would. After all then I could tell him all that is wrong. I didn’t really believe that my husband would be honest with the counselor.
We go. It takes about a minute with the counselor for me to figure out that I have been tricked. This is not an appointment for my husband this is a marriage counseling appointment. I’m furious. My insurance covers individual therapy, but not marriage counseling. How the heck are we going to pay for this?
He lied again. He tricked me. He didn’t take responsibility or admit that he had a problem. I’m sitting in this office seething. I am having a hard time thinking. Even now I can’t remember everything we talked about. Thankfully God was in control, because I certainly was not.
Our counselor was wonderful. He saw past my husband’s excuses and called him out on his wrongs. He challenged him. He helped us set some goals. He made us both individual appointments. That way my insurance will pay for it.
At some point in the session my husband’s attitude changed. He went from blaming me for my wrongs in the waiting room to looking at his own wrongs while with the counselor.
I’m not innocent in this, but most of these are issues my husband has to work out without me. This counselor was willing and seems able to make him do that. Of course, most importantly, my husband is willing and WANTING to change. That is God.
However, I’m angry again–still. He tricked me.
Into the Pits (part 3)
July 11, 2009 at 7:58 am | In Christian, Husbands, Jobs, Prayer, Unemployment, Working mom, family, finances, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood, teaching | Leave a CommentIt can’t get any worse. That was what I was telling myself. I was wrong. So here we are, my husband is unemployed again. This time I fear he will not get unemployment. I mean he quit this job. We can’t pay our bills on my salary. I am a teacher.
On one hand I was thankful this happened after school got out. I’m not sure that I could have taught and made myself go to work each day. However, on the other hand, now both of us are home together…all day and night. We didn’t have any space to work this out.
Then it gets worse.
It was Sunday morning and we were getting ready for church. I discover that my husband has made some other choices. Choices that were definitely not in the best interest of our family. I then reacted. This was not a thought out move, but a reaction. I asked him to leave.
I love my husband. He is basically a good man. We have been together for 15 years. He has not been himself since he was laid off, but some of this goes even deeper.
Now I am by myself with two children and definitely not enough money. My husband has moved to his mother’s house. What am I going to do?
I pray.
Not a Bowl of Cherries Continued
July 10, 2009 at 9:59 am | In Husbands, Jobs, Prayer, Unemployment, family, marriage | Leave a CommentMy husband did eventually find a job. It was a manufacturing position. I was thrilled, because it made more money than his other job. It also had good benefits. I was beginning to feel better.
My husband however was not. Knowing my anxieties during his unemployment, he kept quiet about his current position. He didn’t tell me or maybe I didn’t listen (probably a combination of both). I do remember him saying one morning that he just didn’t want to go to work. I about freaked out on him.
In my mind I’m think he enjoyed his “funemployment” and is having a hard time adjusting back to real life. In truth he hated his new job. He was working with a verbally abusive guy, and just didn’t feel like he fit in.
This is where it all goes bad. My husband makes some choices that were not in our families best interest. One of which is to spontaneously quit his job one morning. I am just beginning my last day of school (thankfully a teacher day, not a kid day.) I get a phone call from him telling me he quit. I went into shock. If it weren’t for my coworkers I would still be there packing up my room. One in particular basically packed my room for me. She also prayed for me. I appreciate Sue a great deal.
I couldn’t comprehend how he could quit his job like that. If it were so bad why didn’t he begin looking for another job right away? Why didn’t he tell me it was so awful?
I didn’t talk to him for over a week.
Life is Not Always a Bowl of Cherries
July 9, 2009 at 7:45 am | In Husbands, Jobs, Unemployment, marriage | Leave a CommentLast summer I got into blogging and reading lots of other blogs. Some were funny (Suzanne and Pioneer Woman), some made me think (Morocco), and some just inspired me to do (Angry Chicken and Craftsanity), but they all inspired me to write. Mostly the good stuff, and there has been a lot of good stuff in my life.
Right now there is not as much good stuff. Over the past year my husband was laid off. I thought all in all I dealt with that pretty well. Not great, but pretty well. I tried to be supportive, and succeeded only sometimes. There are a few things about husbands being laid off that seem to be common, well at least in my circle of friends that have experienced this.
- The first is that your husband becomes distant
- for a little while they work on home projects, building closets seemed to be popular
- communication becomes you asking what they did today and him becoming resentful
- you need reassurance that he is really looking since it mostly seems like he is playing on the computer and (in my case) going to the library for movies, books, and music
- you are rattled to your core because your husband doesn’t seem to be motivated to be working anymore and seems to like this “vacation” with an unemployment check
- tension builds and builds
It becomes overwhelming and always in the room with you. It seems to be a part of every conversation and everything that you. I know that there are many people dealing with this. I know far too many others in my circle of friends. It doesn’t make it any easier. We were one of the first. Eventually my husband did find another job. I will tell about that tomorrow.
Far Too Strange To Make It Up
May 23, 2009 at 9:37 am | In Des Moines, friends, marriage, music | 3 CommentsSo last night we went out to a club to see a friend’s band play. I was sitting with Sarah catching up on a year of not seeing each other. Suddenly a very intoxicated man came to join us. Now to help you picture it, we are sitting at a tall bar table, but our husbands are standing a few feet away from the table. The bar is very narrow and long. People tend to stand close to each other.
So our new friend is nice looking, wearing a royal blue, obviously expensive embroidered cowboy shirt. I actually really liked his shirt. He talks to us for a while. We discover that he just moved back here from Chicago.
He is a mortician. I’ve never met a mortician outside of the mortuary. He choose his career path, because it was guaranteed employment. He was a pysch major in college. Apparently he moved back to Iowa because he was laid off–5 different times. People are living too long he tells us.
OK-now can’t you just see the boss calling him and saying, “I’m sorry, we have to let you go. There aren’t enough people dying. They are just living longer these days.” I found this pretty funny.
So suddenly as we are talking he realizes that Jason was hovering around him (BTW Jason was coveting his cowboy shirt-not rescuing damsels). He asks us who is dating him. Sarah pipes up, “Well I’m married to him.” He rolls his eyes and uses his finger to say, “Checked off my list.” Then he points to Todd, “And I suppose you are dating him?” I repeat Sarah’s sentence. He checked me off too and walked away.
A New Obsession
May 20, 2009 at 8:26 pm | In Heroes, marriage, music | 2 CommentsI have a bit of an obsessive personality. I find something and get completely into–for a while. I do it with people, games, and various other things.
Right now I have two obsessions. One I have no problem sharing, but the other other I’m a bit embarrassed about admitting to yet.
So I will just tell you about obsession 1 today. 
www.playlist.com I LOVE this site. I can listen to my earworms over and over and over. I have found so many cool songs on this site. I am addicted. I was going to write that I can listen without having to buy the music, but in truth now I want some of these songs more than ever.
So here is my current list that I’m ashamed to admit how many times I have played it:
- Why Does It Always Rain On Me by Travis
- Supermassive Black Hole by Muse
- Years by Mike Ruekberg (probably my favorite musician–amazing musician, expecially live.)
- Viva la Vida by Coldplay
- Hey Hey by Superchick
- Waning Moon by the adorable Peter Himmelman (great story about him–another blog post.)
- Magic Tree by Kirsten Price
- Same Jeans by the View
- This is Everything by Wisely (ADORE him and his music!)
Supposedly I should be able to post a player on my blog, but that would require thought and more time than I am willing to invest right now.
I just peeked at hubby’s playlist, Julian Lennon’s whole first album, Bow Wow Wow, and Pass the Dutchie (can’t remember the group.) He has such an eclectic taste in music. I never know what he is going to listen to next.
What would be on your playlist?
Finding Myself
May 7, 2009 at 7:50 pm | In Christian, God, Prayer, Working mom, family, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood, school, teaching | 3 CommentsAfter the extreme chaos of the last 4 months, I am trying to find myself again. I’m finding it difficult physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.
My body is still trying to adjust to 4 months of stress. Truly more like 8 months of stress. Todd’s being unemployed and then me jumping into too many commitments. I think looking back on it all that maybe I agreed to do all those things as a ways of avoiding the pressures of home. Todd’s unemployment was very hard on both of us. I gained 20 pounds. I’ve lost five, but it is hard. I feel lethargic and unmotivated.
I also think spiritually I’m off kilter. I feel very far away from God right now. I don’t like it. I know what I need to do, but I’m so tired that I don’t do it.
I’m trying to get back into some of my old habits (including, but not limited to blogging), but I’m finding it so difficult. Praying, reading, and even connecting with friends is taking effort. Even getting daily things done is hard. I have piles of little things that need my attention. I have lists of appointments to make for summer, camp applications to get filled out, and homework to turn it (eek due on the 11th.) Heck, even my poor dog needs to go to the vet.
Honestly, I think I am just tired. I’m ready for summer, even if I do have class all of June.
On My Mind
January 26, 2009 at 8:49 pm | In Working mom, books, family, finances, marriage | 1 CommentI have been spending a lot of time thinking about finances lately. That of course is bound to happen in this current economic crisis. For those that don’t know my husband was laid off awhile ago, and has not been able to find a job. This seems to be becoming a more common problem for many families.
We are currently participating in a course that our church is offering on financial management. We have learned so much and are actually able to put most of it in practice even on one income. The course is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. I like it because it is very “real.” His strategies are doable. They take in account that I will need a little bit of “blow” money. Most of all I like that it requires both Todd and I to work together. This has not been our strong point. For some reason, I can’t talk about money without having an anxiety attack–seriously. I blame it on growing up broke.
On a different, yet similar note, I am listening to a book on tape right now that is amazing. I was basically forced to listen to it, by my husband and children. They had listened to it over the past few weeks and had finished it. The book is call The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. It is a book about vampires. Normally that probably wouldn’t catch my interest very much, but this is a really good book. I want to hear more, and more, and more… you get the picture.
A Weekend Alone
January 24, 2009 at 8:20 am | In Working mom, family, friends, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood, school, teaching | 1 CommentAll my guys went camping this weekend. They left last night. So I have a day “off.” I’ve contemplated this time. What should I do? Should I go somewhere? Should I hang out with friends? I’ve probably spent almost as much time thinking about what to do, as I will have actually doing it.
In the end I spent Friday night at the grocery store and asleep by 9:30. Today I will pop in the theatre this morning, and spend the evening at Teen Improv. The rest of the time? I believe I will watch some teaching inservice DVD’s on the Daily 5 and clean my house.
Does that sound boring to you? I hate to say it, but it sounds delightful to me. I will have temporary quiet and release of responsibility. No one needing me or my attention (except for Lilo and Stitch, our dog and cat.)
I am finally getting a very special package in the mail that I have been working on for a while. I will get all of Christmas put away once and for all. I want to bake some cookies. I need to call Suzanne back. I am looking forward to today.
What would you do?
Loving the Whirlwind
January 8, 2009 at 9:01 pm | In Children's Theatre, Theatre, Working mom, family, housework, kids, marriage, motherhood, parenthood | 2 CommentsGod has given me many gifts and blessings. This week I am trying to really remember that everything I am doing is a gift. Saturday N auditioned for Mulan. He got a great part. He is the Emperor. He’s excited, because it is the first time he has had a lot of lines and a solo with this director.
I am producing the show. This means that I have spent every evening at the theatre doing major amounts of paperwork. Tonight I finally caught up. I’m still at the theatre, but at least I can post.
I’m very proud of N, but I am also more aware than ever that this is only possible due to Todd’s efforts. If it weren’t for my husband I couldn’t give up this much time. In the last month he has taken on all of the cleaning, laundry, and a good chunk of parenting.
I truly realized what a gift he is when I opened N’s lunch box yesterday. Sitting in there was a note. When I make their lunches I always write them notes, but since Todd has been home he is in charge of getting them ready for school. I knew I didn’t write it, so I had to read it. It was such a sweet note. Todd was congratulating him for his part in the play and telling him how proud he is of everything N has been accomplishing. I teared up.
Like I said, God has given me many gifts and blessings.
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