Finding Myself

After the extreme chaos of the last 4 months, I am trying to find myself again. I’m finding it difficult physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

My body is still trying to adjust to 4 months of stress. Truly more like 8 months of stress. Todd’s being unemployed and then me jumping into too many commitments. I think looking back on it all that maybe I agreed to do all those things as a ways of avoiding the pressures of home. Todd’s unemployment was very hard on both of us. I gained 20 pounds. I’ve lost five, but it is hard. I feel lethargic and unmotivated.

I also think spiritually I’m off kilter. I feel very far away from God right now. I don’t like it. I know what I need to do, but I’m so tired that I don’t do it.

I’m trying to get back into some of my old habits (including, but not limited to blogging), but I’m finding it so difficult. Praying, reading, and even connecting with friends is taking effort. Even getting daily things done is hard. I have piles of little things that need my attention. I have lists of appointments to make for summer, camp applications to get filled out, and homework to turn it (eek due on the 11th.) Heck, even my poor dog needs to go to the vet.

Honestly, I think I am just tired. I’m ready for summer, even if I do have class all of June.


3 thoughts on “Finding Myself

  1. It sounds like you need some time with yourself. I get the feeling that even that isn’t comfortable right now. I know that not everyone is the exercise freak I am. However, I find my time exercising to be meditative. I can reflect on the day, replay stuff in my mind, admit mistakes, ponder life, fantasize, etc.

    Can you find time to take just one short 5-10 minute walk by yourself and reconnect with God? It doesn’t have to be praying, it can be a gratitude walk, a focused question, or simply a lovely day walk. You can also use the time to pray or to reflect on bible lessons. Whatever you need that day.

    I guess I should also ask, when you say you’re off kilter spiritually, are you doing/saying/believing things that go against you as a person? It’s not like you to disconnect with your spiritual plane. Would it help you to list what you feel you need to do to reconnect with God? I’m very concerned that you seem to view this a bit as work because that’s not normal for you.

    I hope that you find your way home soon. It sounds like you miss it greatly. I’m always here for you.

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